


Three For Three

by mishasan7



Series: Joshua Trees [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Extended Scene, Gen, In the Joshua Trees universe, Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/pseuds/mishasan7
Summary: What happened when Ella took the Devil to Church.
Relationships: Ella Lopez & Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Joshua Trees [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/921207
Comments: 25
Kudos: 303





	Three For Three

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my Joshua Trees series but set before it. This is an extended scene from the very end of episode 208, Trip to Stabby Town, where Lucifer's obliged to go to Mass with Ella in return for her helping him find out who dug up Azrael's blade. In the show's timeline it happened the week after Halloween, so I thought that had interesting possibilities, plus I refer to it in my upcoming Ella-centric story so I figured I'd better fic it out first. Call it a flashback? :)  
> Although now I've discovered the 'Reorder Series' function so have used that. It was bugging me!  
> Many thanks to PokerFace84 for looking this over for me xxx

Lucifer was complaining again.

“I really do have urgent business to attend to. Are you certain that this is the favour that you desire? Because believe me when I say the last two times I darkened the doorstep of a church - insert blood-soaked carnage here.”

Ella threw her head back in exasperation; he’d been trying to wiggle out of their deal for the last three blocks. “Again with the drama! We solved your case, now I get my favour.” She sighed, then wheedled, “Just go with me, okay?” Lucifer still looked unconvinced so she pressed, “Look, since the moment we met, okay, I’ve had this Spidey sense that you were, I don’t know, _searching_ for something.”

Lucifer replied blandly, “Right. Spiritual lost and found?”

Ella said eagerly, “Yes! And I have found _a lot_ since I developed a relationship with the big guy.” She waved her hand at the church looming above them and said encouragingly, “And so might you.”

Lucifer eyed the church and said flippantly, “Trust me, we’re much closer than you think.”

“Well, then, no harm no foul,” Ella replied evenly.

Lucifer leaned in and retorted, “I beg to differ.”

Before Ella could argue some more an attractive brunette walked past them and Lucifer’s eyes followed her like a hawk's as she started up the steps into St. Brennan’s. Ella sent silent thanks to the big guy for the assist; the only thing that would persuade Lucifer faster would be if she was carrying a bottle of whisky in each hand. And sure enough, Lucifer promptly changed his mind. “Oh. On second thoughts...”

At Ella’s amused look he said innocently, “What? I should at least give someone a reason to go to confession.” He strode past her to the main doors, hot on the woman’s heels. Ella turned to follow him, rolling her eyes. 

She passed through the high arched doorway, dipping her fingertips into the font of holy water by the entrance and making the Sign of the Cross. She saw that Lucifer had already taken a seat in a pew near the back, right next to the woman who’d inadvertently lured him in. Ella hurriedly genuflected and took a seat beside him before anyone else could; he was getting openly stared at by a number of women already. He didn’t seem to notice, though, as he had eyes only for the brunette. Ella sighed. Well, she’d asked for it by insisting he come, to pay her back for investigating that definitely-not-an-open-grave out in the woods for him yesterday.

She could hear Lucifer’s quiet murmur over the hushed whispers around them - he had his suave English charm dialed up to full blast and the woman was smiling back, a little flustered, subconsciously licking her lips and touching her hair. _Man, Lucifer sure takes all this temptation stuff seriously_ , Ella thought. But at least he was here, and maybe he’d get something outta this.

As the introductory hymn began and the altar boys and Father Middleton walked past up the aisle towards the altar she elbowed Lucifer in the ribs. “Hey! You’re supposed to be here with _me_ , dude, not using Mass to hook up.”

Lucifer replied reasonably, “You never said I _couldn’t_ use Mass to hook up.”

Ella hissed, “It’s _implied_! You could at least have the decency to wait until afterwards like a normal person.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “I would’ve thought it was fairly well established by now that I am _not_ a normal person.”

Ella threw him a determined look. “In case you’ve forgotten, our deal said you’d come to mass with _me_ tonight, and as far as I’m concerned ‘mass with me’ doesn’t involve networking for booty calls.”

Lucifer made an impatient noise. “Oh, very well!” he groused. “ _Fine_. I’ll just sit here like a good Devil then, and be bored silly like everyone else. You drive a hard bargain, Lopez.”

And Lucifer was good to his word. He didn’t make a peep during the scripture readings (although he did roll his eyes a lot) and seemed content with occasionally eye flirting with various hopeful-looking women glancing his way. He also didn’t join in any worship. Whether that was because he was staying in character as ‘the Devil’ or whether he simply didn’t know the responses Ella didn’t know for sure, but she suspected the former; he knew too much about religion to not have been an insider at some stage. He’d probably been brought up in the Church but become disillusioned or bored and quit. The Devil persona could be partly to rebel against that. Or just for fun. After all, he had a _lot_ of fun with it.

Ella resigned herself to the fact that her experiment had been a failure. Lucifer wasn’t going to get anything out of this little excursion; he wasn’t even giving it a shot. He was a horse who didn’t wanna drink. Oh well, she’d tried. Hopefully he would find what he was looking for… somewhere that _wasn’t_ at the bottom of a bottle, or under some random chick’s skirt. 

She sighed and made herself comfortable; Father Middleton was getting on in years and his sermons tended to drone on a bit. She came here because it was close to work but she had to admit she missed her old parish in Detroit. Before everything went to shit, anyway.

The elderly priest cleared his throat and intoned from the pulpit, “We heard from the Gospel of Matthew today; one of the best-known passages from the Bible, where Jesus asked us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It is the greatest commandment, straight from the Son of God Himself. It’s even more important to remember in this modern age, when it’s so easy to be disconnected from each other by technology and the fast pace of our lives.”

Ella nodded. That was so true. Then she hurriedly switched her phone to silent.

“As you all know, Halloween was last week and I chose that reading because I’ve had many parishioners come up to me to ask, as Catholics, should we refuse to celebrate Halloween?”

Ella was surprised at that. Why wouldn’t they want to celebrate it? It was awesome!

Father Middleton went on, “They were concerned that Halloween had its roots in paganism, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. The name comes from ‘All Hallow’s Eve’, which is the day before All Hallows Day, or All Saints Day. Both All Saints Day and All Hallows Eve have been celebrated since the early eighth century when they were instituted by Pope Gregory III in Rome. Some opponents claim that it descends from the Celtic harvest festival of _Samhain_ , but that’s not true. That pagan festival stopped being celebrated when the Celts converted to Christianity.”

Ella frowned. That wasn’t actually true. A lot of the Celts in mainland Europe might have been converted, sometimes forcefully, after they were invaded by the Roman Empire but many of their ancient traditions had survived, and during the Roman occupation had gradually blended with the newer ones. 

Her Aunt Evangelina, a nun, had told her that and her own research had backed it up. It was widely accepted that the church had tried to co-opt that pagan festival with a similar one that was Church-sanctioned. And as far as All Hallows Eve dating from the eighth century, _Samhain_ had been celebrated in Europe for at least a couple thousand years before that, so it most definitely came first.

Ella shrugged; so it was a bit of harmless spin. It didn’t really matter, did it? He wasn't condemning it or telling people to smash jack o’lanterns or anything.

Father Middleton went on, smiling warmly, his light blue eyes peering over his reading glasses down the length of the church. “Halloween is a time for Catholics to celebrate. After all, it’s the one day of the year when you can be certain that most porch lights will be on and the neighbourhood lively and full of joy. Such things spread hope and goodwill... and naturally that makes the Devil angry.”

Beside her Ella noticed Lucifer perk up, and he half turned from the MILF to look distractedly up at the pulpit.

“...Because everyone is giving their attention to their neighbours instead of zoned out on their phone or watching television. People come together on Halloween, and Satan doesn't like that, no indeed.”

Ella was surreptitiously watching Lucifer, and saw him give the priest an exasperated eye roll.

“...His work to tear down what is good in the world is so much easier when people choose to ignore one another. He hates it when people connect, when love of one’s fellow man blossoms. And he most definitely hates the sound of children laughing.”

Lucifer grunted then, and muttered snidely to Ella, “He’s not wrong there. Particularly if it portents them putting their sticky little hands on me.”

"Shh."

Father Middleton droned on, “Twenty years ago, children roamed our neighbourhoods all day and into dusk, until called home by their parents. Today, those children are parents themselves, and the idea of letting their children play outside after dark fills them with anxiety - another tool that the Devil uses to his advantage. The world is a different place today thanks to him, and he preys on fear to keep whole families cooped up inside, away from friends and neighbours-”

Ella thought Middleton was laying it on a bit thick with the rose-tinted nostalgia stuff but everyone around them was lapping it up. Lucifer, however, leaned back in the pew, his arms crossed. He wore a smirk but it didn’t reach his eyes, and a muscle in his cheek twitched.

Ella watched him, impressed as always how he stayed so in character. He certainly had the look of the Devil, pissed at being called out. Did the guy never take a break?

“-except for a night like Halloween,” Middleton announced. “Then, there's strength in numbers, and parents feel safe in letting their children enjoy some of the freedoms they had. With lights on and people sharing laughter and treats, neighbourhoods come alive and look like they did many years ago, when everyone went to church on Sundays and families stayed together, and the Devil gnashed his teeth and waited for a chance to tear it all apart.”

Ella rolled her eyes at that. ‘ _When everyone went to church and families stayed together’_ ? Generalising much? And aside from that, she hated the insinuation that going to church was all it took to be a good person, because it definitely was not. And as for marriages, if they were meaningless or abusive people had learned that they were better off ended. Father Middleton seemed to be dreaming of some idealised, fictionalised version of the fifties. Like _Pleasantville_ before it went to colour.

“...And when the time came, he tore it apart not just through the skillful use of fear and despair but by attacks on neighbourliness and generosity. Remember that pie you didn't take to the new couple who moved in across the street? The Devil was happy when you didn't do that.”

Lucifer huffed. “That’s a new one,” she heard him mutter. “Blamed for lack of pie.”

“...He doesn’t like people coming together and giving to each other without expecting anything in return. Selfless actions burn his britches - so to speak.” He smiled and the congregation laughed dutifully.

Ella lightly nudged Lucifer and whispered with a pleased grin, “Looks like he agrees with your interpretation of the deals thing!”

To her surprise, Lucifer shot her a wounded look.

“...And that, in the end, is why the Devil really hates Halloween. Because even though he has tried his hardest to make us forget the true meaning of Halloween he himself can't forget. All Saints Day is when we celebrate all of those souls that Satan failed to snatch, and on All Hallows Eve we shine the light of laughter and generosity into the darkness he has fomented. And, at least for one night, return to the way life should be. So you should enjoy your Halloween. That's the best way to ensure the Devil does not.”

Lucifer’s posture was getting more and more tense as the sermon went on, and he looked like he was itching to leave. But he didn’t. He just sat there. And he was either an even better actor than she gave him credit for or he was getting genuinely pissed.

Ella leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Dude. What’s with the drama?”

Lucifer jerked his head toward the front of the church and hissed back, “Oh, nothing. Just a bit of light character assassination to round out my day, no biggie.”

Ella rolled her eyes. Sometimes his Method thing got a little out of hand. “If it bothers you why don’t you just walk out?”

Lucifer replied curtly, “Because I made a _promise_ , and my word is my bond.”

Ella frowned slightly. “What’s the big deal? He’s just using the Devil thing to make a point?”

Lucifer whispered bitterly, “Exactly. Just like every other religion-spouting grifter since the dawn of time. Spread lies about _me_ , make _me_ the enemy just to make a _point_. What’s the harm in that, right?”

Ella stared at him, and belatedly realised that he really seemed to be taking the sermon personally. As if Father Middleton was talking about _him_ instead of the Devil. Maybe his Method went so deep he didn’t even know where the persona ended and the man began. He’d gone full Brando.

She didn’t have to understand _why_ it was upsetting him, but she did have to face the fact that because of what she’d asked him for she was basically forcing him to sit here and listen to somebody talk shit about him. What kind of friend was she to do that?

She stole another glance at him. He was fuming silently, enduring what he considered to be personal attacks because he didn’t want to break his deal with her. She had no doubt that if he was here of his own free will (like that would ever happen) he’d be heckling like nobody’s business.

She’d always been the weird one at school, and she’d really appreciated the rare friends who’d defended her weirdness even if they hadn’t understood it. It had been the thought that mattered. The… solidarity. That had meant a whole LOT to her. And so she decided that right now, she had to say something. 

And before she had a plan more substantial than that, she was on her feet with her hand in the air.

“Uh, excuse me, Father? I have a question.”

Father Middleton stopped pontificating for a moment to peer down the length of the church.

 _All_ eyes, in fact, were currently on her, some curious but others impatient. Middleton’s sermons were already long enough without having impromptu question time. Others seemed glad of the interruption though and craned their necks to see her better. There was a stirring of murmurs down the long, echoey hall. Ella gulped. What was she doing?

She glanced down at Lucifer, who was one of the curious ones, regarding her with both eyebrows raised.

She blurted, “Uh… what if the Devil doesn’t actually mind Halloween? What if he enjoys it just as much as we do?”

Lucifer’s jaw dropped.

Father Middleton smiled and replied condescendingly, “Of course he doesn’t. He is the source of all evil and therefore all things that bring happiness and joy are anathema to him. He is a creature of darkness and sin.”

Ella pressed, “But how do you _know_ he doesn’t like Halloween?”

The priest replied in a superior tone, “It’s obvious.”

“How is it obvious? It’s not in the Bible. And Halloween isn’t a Christian festival like you said, it’s pagan and older than recorded history. The kinda thing that the Church used to call blasphemous, as a matter of fact.” Then she hastily added, “Not that it _is_ blasphemous. Halloween is all the awesome things you said it was.” She held out her hands in an expectant gesture. “But why would the Devil even care? It’s kids and candy and dressups.”

Middleton smiled benevolently at her. “My child, Satan, described in the Bible, can and does win battles for the mind. He takes devilish pleasure every time a human falls into sin and rejects God, and you can’t want to give him that satisfaction, surely.” 

Ella bristled at his condescending tone. “I’m not rejecting God, I’m totally the Big Guy’s fangirl. Just because I’m asking where you’re getting your facts from doesn’t mean I’m ‘falling into sin’.” She shrugged. “Since when is asking questions wrong?”

The priest blustered a little. “Of course asking questions isn’t wrong, but to challenge the righteousness of God’s plan for us is blasphemy.”

Ella was starting to get genuinely pissed. “Dude, I’m not challenging God’s plan, I’m asking you to validate your representation of the facts, because you seem really sure of them. Could you please just answer the question?”

Beside her she heard Lucifer make a tiny sound. She looked down and saw that he was eyeing her with a mix of amusement and admiration.

Father Middleton nodded sagely. “I see now; you don’t really believe in the existence of the Devil, do you? Why are you denying the tenets of your own faith?”

Ella countered, “I believe there’s a Devil, just like I believe there’s a God. I’m just questioning your sources.”

Middleton went on as if he hadn’t even heard her. “Satan and his demon followers attack both internally and externally yet escape unnoticed as the instigator of strife and suffering. Possession and oppression of people marks their work-”

Ella replied reasonably, “Okay fine, but I mean, it sounds like you’ve got a pretty firm view of who the Devil is and what he doesn’t like, and you’re speaking as a supposed expert but all I’m wondering is where you got your facts from. Like, for all we know you just totally made them up.”

Father Middleton was getting a little flustered. “Miss, I am a Man of God and I refuse to be insulted in my own church. I must ask you to leave.”

Ella looked at him for several moments, then gave a resigned sigh. “‘No comment’, huh? That’s all you had to say.” Then she looked down at Lucifer who was staring back at her, his expression a mix of astonishment and amusement. She sat back down and murmured to him, “Wanna get outta here?”

Lucifer nodded, a tiny smile dimpling the corners of his mouth. “Gladly.” 

They got up and headed for the exit. At the arched doorway they encountered two laypeople holding large wooden collection bowls and standing speechless along with everybody else. Lucifer stopped in front of them, pulled a _massive_ wad of cash from his money clip, then pointedly dropped the whole thing into one of the bowls. He took a moment to turn and glare back at Father Middleton.

“‘ _Burns my britches_ ’ my perfect _arse_ ,” he muttered to himself, and swept out the door.

\---------------

They chatted as they walked the few blocks back to the station and Lucifer’s car. He’d offered to drive her home and she wasn’t about to refuse; any opportunity she got to ride in his Corvette she’d take it, even if it meant an Uber in the morning.

“It’s annoying, obviously, and something I’ve gotten used to over the years, inured to the constant abuse and vilification,” he said, still venting. He literally couldn’t wait to get out the door and start slamming the priest.

“Sure, I bet,” Ella replied sympathetically, privately glad that he was seeing a therapist. He was such a great guy, he shouldn’t be taking all this negative shit on himself like this. “So I guess that makes your shitty experiences in church three for three, huh, Lucifer? I’m sorry.”

He glanced at her, his eyes lighting up with mischievous delight. “Are you serious? God’s Number One Fangirl picked a fight with a drone and got us kicked out of church? On the contrary, it was absolutely brilliant!” He chuckled. “I rather enjoyed seeing you give that holier-than-thou old git what for.” Then he subsided a little and added apologetically, “Although I am sorry I got you expelled from your preferred place of worship. Our deal went a little south, didn’t it?”

Ella shook her head. “You didn’t do anything, that was all me. Besides, I was thinking about finding someplace new. It’s close to work, but it doesn’t reflect what I have with the big guy.” She shrugged. “Father Middleton gave a sermon a few weeks back where he was kinda insinuating in a really judgy way about LGBT+ people and ‘lifestyle choices’. At the time I thought maybe I was reading too much into it but now I’m sure I wasn’t.” Her ponytail bounced as she gave a dismissive flick of her head. “Screw that guy.”

Lucifer muttered darkly, “That could possibly help, but I’m certainly not volunteering.”

Ella let out a bark of laughter. “There’s another church at the other end of Downtown that I go to with my brother Ricardo sometimes. The head priest is this huge bald badass-looking dude who looks like he could snap you over his knee like a twig-” She smiled fondly, “- but he’s all marshmallow, and a great guy.” Ella threw Lucifer an encouraging look. “We could give it another try sometime, maybe, with a priest who’s a bit more open-minded?”

Lucifer quickly put up his hands. “No! No thank you, I think I’ve spent all the time in my father’s house that I mean to. But… I did enjoy the twist ending tonight.” He grinned.

“You sure?” asked Ella. “I don’t want you to go away thinking all churches are like that, or all priests.”

“I know they’re not.” Lucifer said reassuringly, then felt a sudden flare of anger at his father as he was reminded of Frank. Really, the only half decent priest he’d ever met and Dad had to go and steal him back.

Ella continued, “We’re all guessing really, some people get bogged down in all the old writings and stuff, but I try to focus on the human side of religion - the ‘God is love’ side. That’s the God _I_ wanna believe in.”

Lucifer hummed noncommittally. Far be it from him to disabuse her of the notion, especially after she’d just faced down an entire congregation to stick up for him. He looked down at her and smiled.

“Well, you do you, Miss Lopez. It’s working.”

Ella smiled and punched him lightly in the arm. “Right back atcha, buddy.”

And they continued chatting as they walked companionably together back to the precinct.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> \- I got the idea for this fic when I stumbled across a post on Thoughtco.com called 'Why The Devil Hates Halloween'. It's since been deleted (a few points, like the pie thing, I used verbatim) and in its place is a post called 'Should Catholics Celebrate Halloween?' which was slightly more reasonable but still insisted, like Middleton, that the origins of Halloween are Christian not pagan. National Geographic, Time mag and History.com would disagree :) There are definitely Christian influences though and it was really interesting learning more about the history of it. These posts came in really useful: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2018/10/101029-halloween-costumes-ideas-history-science-nation/  
> https://www.history.com/topics/ancient-history/celts  
> \- I also really loved the idea that it was Ella causing trouble in the church, rather than Lucifer. She's proved herself to be super loyal to her friends and I can totally see her doing something like this :)  
> \- The priest was partly inspired by Father Middleton, my first Catholic priest growing up. Him and my mum butted heads a bit because he was an arrogant, self righteous kinda guy.  
> \- Ella references Pleasantville, which is a fantastic, beautifully shot movie starring Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon. If you haven't seen it yet DO IT! It has some really cool, incredibly creative ideas and is really life-affirming.  
> \- The line “‘Burns my britches’ my perfect arse”... that Tom Ellis' arse is perfect goes without saying, but I wanted to say it anyway :)  
> \- Ella lives by the humanist, 'human side of religion'. It's how Tom Ellis has described his upbringing in the Baptist church, and it's also what I personally ascribe to. It's just a better way to live, and that it comes across in the show is part of why I love it so much. Respect each other, look after each other, and all the differences between faiths are just details.  
> \- Did the description of 'Father Marshmallow' sound familiar? ;) There's some other details, particularly about Ella's life in Detroit, that are hinted at too, which might come up in the next story...


End file.
